Travelogue, Day 5: Turku

I suppose we couldn’t have expected T to always be super-travel-baby, and last night was a rough one, first for me, and then mostly for Christian. Torsten fell mostly asleep about 9ish, but then for some reason was up at 10 with no intention of going back to sleep. And then there was a lot of screaming and crying. I suspect the teeth again, though since I told Christian the night shift was his last night after he got back from the reception, I really was only awake enough to hear the screaming and fetch the teething gel, not to understand the aftermath.

Christian’s back off to Helsinki for the day to give a talk, and I decided that Torsten and I would see the city today, but take it easy in getting out the door. T’s morning nap was too short, and I decided that yesterday he’d not gotten enough physical activity, so we stayed in to give him a chance to roll around and pseudocrawl while I cleaned up and organized the room a bit, since it was largely chaotic (giving rise to grumping all around when having to find Torsten stuff in the middle of the night). He was having an extremely hard time of it for some reason, which I suspect is teething again, since some cool baby food, some Baby Orajel, and then the bottle sent him off to a hard, hard sleep.

We’ve suspected teething for some time now, but there are still no teeth. I read, though, that they can often feel those little guys coming in for quite some time before they actually come up, and there is some redness and swollenness involved here, so I think that’s what it is. He has drool-rash now as well (and other rash at the other end, which apparently can be the same thing, but it sucks, because now is a miserable time for him to have diaper rash…), so I guess we probably have some more fun ahead of us.

Our late start meant we didn’t see a whole lot today, but that really doesn’t matter. Except for a trip to Naantali and Moominworld for Torsten (which scares me, frankly), there’s nothing we really plan to do for sure here, and the place we’re staying is so pleasant outside that except for a couple of things in town I’d like to see, I’m not going to feel too bad if we don’t do much. Traveling with baby – and, this week, that’s basically traveling alone with baby – is a whole different story than traveling without one. T is fortunately curious and likes to watch the world go by (and trains arrive and depart, and people walking around, etc.), but I do feel bad on days where he’s mostly in the stroller. Little Guy’s body is on the verge of taking off around the block without him, so I do like to see him get the chance to move and squirm and wiggle. Fortunately, our setup here in the room which has effectively given him a makeshift crib with our two beds, the wall, and the suitcase at the sides has also given him something of a play area, so that helps, but still, sightseeing can be tough on the baby, methinks, especially a baby this big whose body needs space to stretch.

So we went into town to do some grocery shopping and for me to grab some free WiFi for a few minutes, and then came back here for a little nature walk around the hostel, ending with Torsten and I enjoying the fresh cool evening air and sunshine (this is Scandinavia in summer – even now, at 10:30 pm, I could easily read a book outside) while riding on one of the porch swings at the hostel, cuddling and not saying a thing, just enjoying the weather. It was glorious. Little guy kept leaning his head back on my shoulder to look up at the sky, closing his eyes and smiling, and then turning his head to give me a big open-mouthed kiss on the cheek, turning back to smile again. My Torsten is the best.

It’s a good thing I have these nice moments with T, because otherwise I still apparently haven’t gotten past the Grumptacular Mood of Doom ™, which seems to come and go the last few days. It’s probably mostly jet-lag and baby exhaustion, but I hate it when I’m grumpy. It always makes me think I’m turning into my mother, which better not happen, because I think I’ve had at least ten friends (plus one husband) over the years who I’ve made promise to shoot me if that happens… Part of it is the whole thing of raising a child without a village, to abuse Hillary Clinton’s metaphor. Except for two hours a week at church, one or both of us is taking care of Torsten, with no breaks from babysitters or parents or friends. (N.B. I’ve been loathe to mention this fact ever, lest it trigger one of my estranged family members to yet again attempt to contact me, in spite of very clear instructions to the contrary – so if you’re one of them, don’t. This is not an invitation into my life, and I am totally allowed to talk about my life without worrying about what people who are not in it think about it. In Jeebus’ name, Amen.) Practically speaking, what it means is that we’re both exhausted. Christian works full-time (and as anyone in academia can tell you, full-time may be spending a lot of time working at home in your underwear, but it’s much more than 40 hours a week either way) and pulls some baby duty in spite of it, and I’m taking care of Torsten full time, including the super-early-morning shift, so that often by the time Christian comes home, I’ve already been taking care of the baby for 12+ hours and I totally need a break. In the end, it usually means that we’ve both been working our asses off, there’s still more to be done, neither of us has the energy for it, and neither one of us can believe we’re this tired without someone not having pulled their weight. Which is not true, of course, but when you’re that tired, who cares about what makes sense?

Of course I wish we were near family that could be involved in his life, and in doing so might help out a little bit, but in one case, that’s simply not possible with distance, and in the other, that’s simply not possible, period. (It’s that old saying, “You can pick you friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can’t pick your family”, or something like that, and sometimes you just have to accept that and go with it.) We do, of course, have friends in Denver, and some of them might even be willing and eager to take the baby for a few hours every so often so that we could have couple time, but I guess we just haven’t gotten to that point yet, and it’s wearing us a little thin. I guess since I’ll probably return to work part-time in the not-too-distant future, we’ll have to face it sooner rather than later.

Anyhow, this is supposed to be travel-related, right? Well, ok then – the thing is, here in Turku, Christian is at the conference most of the day (or, like today, in Helsinki), so I have the day alone with the baby, which I do enjoy, but then I’m tired in the evening, so I find myself being a complete ass when C mentions staying late to do social stuff, which is totally part of these things (but which I recall him saying he’d skip), because I’ve soooo had it. And that’s totally not Torsten’s fault – he’s a joyous and wonderful little boy! – but let me tell you that there’s a really good reason that there are so many mommy-bloggers out there; being the primary caregiver is a lot of work, and no one’s ever going to give you credit for it, so you totally need the community of other women for support.

And let me tell you, I never thought I’d hear myself utter the words “need the community of other women for support” without some negation in there. *shiver*

But it’s not C’s fault – the conference and his talks are part of his job, a job I for so many years wanted myself before I got so jaded with it, and he’s doing what he can. I’m sure when we move on to Sweden and both of us can work and play together with Torsten (which he adores beyond all things), we’ll be fine. Like I said, it’s no one’s fault, but there’s so much work for two people alone with no support system in general, and traveling in particular (and we have loads of respect for single mothers who do this on their own without losing their minds, believe me), that it’s easy to lose perspective because you’re freaking tired and emotionally drained.

And I say this loving being a Mama. Seriously. I love my little red-headed snugglemonster more than you can believe, and I know he’s a blessing. I’d have him all over again, so don’t get me wrong.

I don’t mean to make this sound like we’re not having fun – we totally are – it’s just that I’ve been grumpy and that’s basically why, and I hate it.

Anyhow, all that aside, I think pictures are a few days off – I need to get time to sort through them on a full-sized laptop screen. And I now know where to get free WiFi, but it’s just an issue of getting to it with the baby.