A word to the not-so-wise…

Sometime in, oh, I don’t know… April of this year, I made a snarky tongue-in-cheek post about the AOL generation trying to reproduce and some of the very special things (especially the very special acronyms) the folks on the “TTC” (Trying to Conceive) boards say. I’m sorry, but I find it really funny, and it made it really hard to read such boards. It wouldn’t have been half as funny if some of the ideas some of the posters expressed had not sounded an awful lot like someone’s parents/school left out vital bits of sex education, and I, being the evil smartass that I am, mocked them. Note that I don’t mean everyone (after all, I read those boards too), but there were a few special cases that I could not ignore. Note that I mocked them here, not on their fora (N.B. to the next one of them to find this site: “fora” is the plural of “forum”. Thank you for playing…) -I don’t go crapping in other people’s sandboxes – I save that for my own.

But oh, horrible me for finding it funny!

Well, apparently today, seven months after the fact, some woman from one of the boards found this post, apparently deciding I was bitter about their acronyms. (She also said it was kinda funny, and to that woman, if she ever visits here, please know that you are totally entitled to your opinion, but how in God’s name can one be bitter about an acronym which has nothing to do with one personally? ) I wouldn’t normally have known that anyone had posted anything about this particular blog entry, of course, because my vanity searches on the Internet are just not all that vain, but then the abuse started.

From “None Ya”, from address “ip68-103-179-95.ks.ok.cox.net” and an ISP somewhere in the vicinity of Wichita, Kansas:

You are pathetic. And have way to much time on your hands to be making fun of people. I think someone needs to write a blog about you!

Oh boy. Name-calling! That always helps! I always feel pathetic when someone I don’t know and don’t care about names me as such. I think I may cry! Ah, nah, wait. I’ll just respond:

Dearest None Ya:

Oooo, wow. Very middle-school playground of you. I’m impressed, and I’m afraid you’re only proving my point.

I would say you have way too (proper spelling for the modifier indicating excess, as opposed to “to”, which has several functions in the English language, including a preposition indicating direction or a marker indicating the infinitive form of a verb) much time on your hands if you spend Thanksgiving morning visiting other people’s blog posts of seven months ago to call them pathetic. And anyone other than me who’d write a blog about me certainly has too much time on their hands – I’m just not that interesting.

But thank you for amusing me. I’d suggest you also get a sense of humor about yourself – it can be quite refreshing.

Ok, so that’s done.

But ah, but wait, there’s more! Oh goody!

From “urfuturewife”, a visitor from address “c-75-67-110-231.hsd1.ma.comcast.net” and an ISP somewhere near Hyde Park, Massachusetts:

You must be MALE

Hrm… breasts? Check. Huge pregnant belly? Check. Penis? BZZZT. Sorry, it appears I do not have the requisite equipment. This may indicate some of where your difficulties lie. See, men have penises. If you want to get pregnant, you either need someone with one of those (there are a lot of them around) or you need to consider artificial insemination. This thing I have? Not a penis. Not going to help another woman get pregnant. I hope that helps.

And so to this fine young woman, I say:

Dear urfuturewife,

I’m afraid you have me confused with some other person – first of all, I’m strictly heterosexual, although I support your sexual preference as indicated by your name and the fact that you are claiming to be some pregnant woman’s future wife. Secondly, I’m already married, and I don’t foresee obtaining additional spouses in the future. Finally, I’m afraid I could never marry anyone who can’t type out the whole word “your” – if you’d read my post, you’d know I have a strong aversion to AOL-style text abbreviations like “ur” (unless you are referring to “Ur“, the ancient city in the cradle of civilization, in which case I can only say I think you’re probably a little late to be any of the denizens’ future wife. My condolences!).

As for me being male, that is going to be a huge surprise to my husband, who somehow managed to get me pregnant anyway. I suspect there is some flaw in your analysis, as the only male parts I have currently are attached to the sleeping baby in my belly, but I can see how you might make the mistake.

I suggest you and “None Ya” get together and work on better insults – the fact that I was tempted to answer you with “I know you are but what am I” and stick my tongue out blowing raspberries at you indicates the level at which your taunts fall.

I mean, you’re funny, but, um, not for the reasons you mean to be…

Happy Thanksgiving!

Seriously folks… come on.

Get a sense of humor. Especially about getting pregnant. Trust me, if you make it all about the stress, you’re not going to enjoy it at all. And if some random person on the Internet on their own blog says something you disagree with, let it go. Seriously.

As for me, while it was funny to begin with, I don’t really care to be abused in my own sandbox by random strangers, so I blocked anyone visiting directly from that board. There’s nothing here for them anyway.

(Note to regular readers: you may find you are permanently blocked if you visit directly from where their original post is located, which is why I did not post a link; normally I wouldn’t post the details of exactly how I’ve blocked someone, but I’m not really worried about circumvention measures this time around, if you catch my drift.)