Week 37: HOLY CRAP! This kid is going to split my abdomen open, I swear!

36 weeks.

OUUUUUUCH!!!!!!!!!

Let me just begin by saying that I am not a wuss (although I expect labor to make a total wuss of me).

That said, let me just tell you - I freaking hurt right now!!!!!!

I’ll begin by saying that I have a lot of stretch marks. This is no big deal to me, since I had some before I got pregnant anyway, and I’m not exactly vain about my stomach. And I’ve gotten some new ones with being so very pregnant and have barely noticed them.

However, whenever I get any near my belly button, they hurt a little bit, usually for a day or so, and then the pain goes away (although the stretch marks, obviously, do not).

But not with these new ones. These ones, they are the Stretch Marks of Satan. As in (seemingly) eternal agony and burning like the fires of Hell.

See, I have some new stretching on one side of my (still innie) belly button, in a spot where Small Monster also (coincidentally) likes to kick me. And for the past couple of days, this has hurt – it hurt a lot more than the other ones hurt before, but still a manageable sort of hurt.

And then came tonight. If I leaned forward and the baby’s weight pushed against this spot, it hurt. If anything brushed against that spot, it hurt. And if the wrong sort of fabric pressed against that spot, it m*therf^(#!&g HURT. I discovered this last part first when my sweatpants touched them, and confirmed it later when, after finding out that pressing back with my whole hand against that area made it feel somewhat better, I tried to wear a Bella Band around my tummy to give some support without pushing too hard on my belly.

That Bella Band against my skin? It made me cry and whine in pain alone in the bathroom. I sounded like a dog that had just been hit by a car.

I have no idea if this is normal, or an umbilical hernia (nothing seems to be bulging – it looks perfectly normal – so probably not), or the kid clawing his way out through my uterus, or what. And if it still hurts after a while I will call my doctor and let them know I am a proud wuss and would they please fix me before the kid kills me? (I’ll probably survive until then – I did find that I can wear the Bella Band over my shirt and everything feels much better unless, you know, something touches that area through my shirt…).

But wow… this freaking hurts. I’ve always had the least amount of tolerance for burns and abrasions in the pain department (having had plenty of both), and this feels like both combined with my stomach coming apart, so let’s just say Krista is not very happy.

In good news, though… the baby is a week from full term. Go Small Monster! (But, um, Little Monster, could you please pick another mode of exit than trying to do your own C-section from the inside??)