Week 25: Pregnant brain

24 weeks, 5 days.

You know, it’s sort of funny how people who’ve never been pregnant think they have a grasp of what happens to your thoughts and feelings while you’re with child, and how far off they usually are. It’s easy to be a smartass about this, but remember that 5 ¹/₂ months ago (not counting the false start that began 10 months ago) I hadn’t really been pregnant before either, and trust me, no matter how bad my PMS was, no matter how many other people’s children I’d cared for, no matter how many friends I’ve had who’ve had babies, no matter how ditzy I’d become from the extreme sleep deprivation of grad school, I had no freaking clue.

Case in point: I have been driving for roughly 18 years now (damn I’m old!), and while I don’t drive often anymore, when I do, I may be a little rusty, but I still know what I’m doing. Except now that I’m pregnant, I seriously suck at driving. It’s not like being too tired, or distracted by problems, or whatever else… it’s like what I’d imagine driving while totally hammered must be like, except that I’m always totally well aware that if I screw up, someone might die.

I also totally get lost in the middle of conversations, whether it’s me or someone else speaking, and all of a sudden, I can’t do math in my head unless I really think about it. Keep in mind, I was 3 credits from a double major in math when I graduated, so this is disturbing. I go into other rooms to do something, and by the time I get there, I’ll have forgotten why I am there. So I will go back to where I was, remember what it is I wanted to do, go into the other room, and then forget it again by the time I return. I’m sure this is funny to watch, which is why I’m glad that no one is there to see it most of the time.

And the hormones? I have had terrible PMS my whole life. I’m used to having a day or two of waking up feeling like crying every month, but nothing really prepared me for the way it feels to have this popping up anytime and anywhere. I can keep it under wraps 99% of the time, and I’m finding that the best solution for it is to take a nap, but anyone who thinks they can tell you, “you’re under stress, no wonder you’re feeling bad” when you mention you are really hormonal and weepy totally doesn’t get it. It’s totally unlike having a bad day – it’s like feeling someone (someone very evil, mind you) push a button in your head to give you grumpy juice and feeling it hit your system, knowing that you are otherwise not grumpy or sad or whatever, but that you are going to have no choice but to feel that way for the next 10 minutes or so.

And that is Teh Suck!

I’m told that Pregnant Brain will only give way to Mommy Brain, so I guess I’d better say goodbye to Krista Brain and pretend I don’t miss it