Week 23: Enough with the dreams already!

22 weeks, 5 days.

Ok, I admit it – me having nightmares is nothing new. I’ve had them for most of my adult life, and most of them are just variations on traumatic situations in which I had no power to escape or help myself. I unfortunately have quite a few of these in my basket of things I’d rather forget, and I’m not unaware that they’ve shaped who I am to some extent. But they are over… so dreaming about them is something I really, really hate. I always wake up feeling peculiarly hungover, having to convince myself that no, really, I am in our home, my husband is next to me, and I’m safe and loved and ok.

It usually ruins my morning.

The problem with being pregnant is that I simply have more of these dreams, or perhaps I remember more of them. Fortunately, I’m dreaming at least about losing the baby much less often (the only time I’ve dreamt about it in the last several weeks was when someone was actually killing me in a dream the other night, which was an especially weird dream to have), but nevertheless, they still rattle me pretty badly. I really have to ask this of the universe: what’s the point of getting over things if you end up having to relive them in your sleep?? And why, why, now that I’m pregnant, do I have to get cluster-bombed with several of them at once in the same dream in a night?

It’d be funny if it weren’t so horrifying…

Actually, I’m pretty much OK, but it’s a sucky way to wake up, and this morning’s heat doesn’t help. I’ll post later when I’ve recovered from post-nightmare grumpiness.